A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spent $5,000 and felt really good about the result.
On his way home he popped into a news stand and bought a paper. Before leaving he said to the cashier, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35" was the reply.
"I'm actually 47 years old" the man said, feeling really happy.
After that he went into the Fish & Chip shop to celebrate. Before leaving, he asked the same question, to which the reply was, "Oh, you look about 29." This made him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asked an old woman the same question.
She replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your trousers and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
Being as there was nobody around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his trousers.
Ten minutes later the old lady said "You are 47 years old."
Stunned the man said, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replied, "I was behind you in the Chip shop"
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